Beautiful

They say true beauty lies within. If I am beautiful inside it is a dark, sad sort of beauty. Like a pale moon on a dark winter night. Cold and empty, a jar of clay that holds only a memory of the teasures that once overflowed. A grey sky, a stormy sea, an endless void of the heavens. The bitter cold of dawn's first light. The holes between the stars on a clear, crisp night. That place that never forgets, even when people do. When dreams are nothing more than just that. No, thats not right. Oh jar of clay, son of breath and dust, there's something deeper inside where the emptiness can't reach. The origin of all things beautiful, radiant and bright. The Son who lives and breathes inside, the heart that beats within my heart. Now a smile doesn't hide the hurt that hides behind my eyes. Fear no longer has its hold, my heart no longer dead and cold. Behind the eyes, the tears that lied, in darkened dreams no longer hide.

Sad Thoughts

It was a smile that taught me to frown, a warm hello that taught me the bitterness of goodbye, a laugh that taught me to cry, a first kiss that ended with a hurtfull last word. I held her hand, then she walked away. It was love that taught me to hate, it was life that made me wanna die. And you, you take my breath away, but not in a good way.

Exhale

I exhale and this comes out, random thoughts from the edge of the void. Looking down into the infinite abiss I begin to understand my broken life. From shattered heart to beaten will, these deepening scars start speeking words of consolation. Falling forever, through darkening dreams, I finally hit a sense of rock bottom I could use to define my pain. I prayed forever to be free from fear, but fear it seems is stronger than I gave him credit for and so I must endure his whips and bear the stripes they leave behind, defiant lest he gain control. Loosing my hold will mean facing the storms not to get through, but to loose those bits of me that fight to find that safe harbor. I am my own worst enemy. Let me break beneath the endless waves, let the tides wash away my security, let me bleed till nothings left in the wake, let all my hopes and dreams drown, till brokenness is all thats speaks when my head is bowed beneath His feat. To the crushing black I'll sink, till nothings left but empty broken dreams. Here I'll find at last the sunny path I was meant to follow, where Love Himself broke His body for me, and bled dry till the world was washed clean. No more defining what must or not be, the Son's bright dawn will lead me home and at last I'll breathe in peaceful sleep.

Faith Again

Today, for a brief moment, I found Faith again. Its been a long time since I've felt God's presence and been happy about something. He totally blessed me for blessing others and it made me realize how much He's been blessing me lately. Stuff I don't think about, stuff that I take for granted. But for me, big breaks or small ones are all huge. I need all the help He can give me. And today I felt like I earned it. worked hard and went above and beyond and was rewarded for it, caught me off guard, cuz that doesn't happen to me often. I go above and beyond for a long time, till I get tired of it never making a difference, then I start slipping into the monotony of everyone elses low standard work ethics. But today gave me hope, and for the first time since I can remember, I was happy, for a bit, and life seemed ok...who knows what tomorrow will bring... chance of rain?

Rise

Rise from the ashes oh lion of Judah, roar like the rolling thunder that rages and storms inside. Long have you slumbered and fallen deeper into endless dreams of brokeness beyond the hurt and bitterness. (this isn't the end)

23

"A decade ago, I never thought I would be, 23 on the verge of spontanious combustion, woah is me..."

This year I change. Leave the old me behind and start life for real. Give up selfcenterness and instant gratification. Time to become a man, imperfect, but strong and deep. Like a might oak, carry my burdens the way a man does, with purpose. No more waiting. This year will be different. I know because my heart's desires are changing. Because everything I know, everything comfortable the last few years is changing. But its what I need. And though its hard I'm seeing the brighter side already. Today I stopped to smell the roses, breathed deep and found the butterflys returning home after a long absence. Its exciting but I'll play it cool, see what happens :)

Smile

Smile to hide what hurts inside. Take insults and slights that would break who you are, but your sheild is strong. You know who you are now, they can't break that or take it away. So you smile for the things worth smiling about. The ups and the downs, the journey thats teaching you how to live and love free. Smile for the moments that catch your breath. The roaring ocean, the setting sun, a smile from a stranger or someone you love. Smile and don't forget to laugh, at life and yourself, its a strength beyond measure. To smile in the face of danger and adversity, to laugh in the face of fear. Knowing that the only blows that will knock you down are the ones you submit to. Never give in, just smile and walk away. Smile even when its hard, at people who make it hard, they usually need it the most. And smile when life sends you little treasures, they don't seem like alot to other people, but they mean the world to you, someone smiling back at you. The sweetest smile you've ever seen, a smile that takes your breath away. Butterflies